I have such lofty thoughts — like write a blog a day. But then, I get behind, and then I’m scrambling for ideas, at a loss what to write about. I don’t want to write about this pandemic, but, as Solzhenitsyn wrote, thoughts of an imprisoned man are also imprisoned. Or maybe he wrote that about dreams, but the concept is the same. I find my mind paralyzed when I get in front of the computer, going in circles around this current iteration of The Black Plague, and almost nothing else.
My husband and kids suggest writing fiction stories — after all, isn’t that my end goal, to become a fiction writer? It’s tempting, and I do write and post fiction from time to rare time, but not fiction I want in other publish again later. I’m always worried and confused, and maybe a bit paranoid, about copywriting/ownership when it comes to posting to a blog I don’t own, and being an undiagnosed paranoid personality, don’t want to go there.
But, I am not sitting at home obsessing in fear — some necessary activities go on. Today, I went to my dentist, for a usual checkup and cleaning. I adore my dentist, love her special massage chair, the light classical music they play, love the dental technicians and front desk people. So, I can honestly say that I looked forward to going to the dentist and found this a pleasant experience. And, what I found myself thinking, on the drive there and back, was how life goes on. It has to. Roses and dandelions grow in equal measure, albeit one with much more care and work. In other words, nature doesn’t give a flying fig about my worries, and there is some comfort in that thought.
As my dentist works in a different county south of Denver, a good 25 minute drive from my house, I masked up, and went into a grocery store right across from her office building. I had struck out on my last trip to the grocery store — finding the flour shelf barren. But, this time, I found flour there, and I also found a particular type of caramel candy that I couldn’t find in the grocery stores near my house — caramels with vanilla centers. The large bag of flour isn’t for right now, I’m actually all set, as my mother just gave me a bag of flour when I had run out. This large bag of flour is for the second wave of this pandemic, something I want to keep in mind when shopping now. I don’t want to hoard ridiculous amount of flour, but I do want to stock up just a bit.
So, yes, being completely unoriginal, I became one of those people who bake bread, and some strawberry cobbler. I found a great recipe on line for bread without yeast, otherwise known as Irish soda bread, and every other week, Jeff and I have been baking it — it only takes one hour, from start to taking it out of the oven, so it doesn’t get easier than that.
Another positive activity is that I find myself (carefully) watching the skies when I drive, and have been noticing more falcons flying around. Birds are fascinating to me — although up close and personal they freak me out a bit. Yet watching a bird feeder at my mom-in-law’s house, is endlessly entertaining. But there, in Missouri, there seem to be a larger variety of feathered critters, blue birds and cardinals, jays and finches and woodpeckers. My mother-in-law, Brenda, strategically hung a Slinky from the feeder, and now the squirrels can’t climb up — and it is hilarious to watch them try. The squirrels do seem to hang out underneath, and find many seeds on the ground.
Now that I had my dental appointment, bought flour, and did my stopping at red lights birdwatching, I was feeling groggy. The drawback to going to the dentist at 10 o’clock in the morning is the morning part of it. 10 AM may not seem early, but I had trouble falling asleep the night before, tossing like wok-cooked mushrooms until after 2 in the morning, and had to get up before 8 a.m. Because of my poor sleep — which was common before all of this latest period of pandemic stress — I don’t move very fast in the morning. It takes me a while to get to the shower, and then, get ready afterwards. But I was not a shmuck — I arrived on time — even a few minutes before. However, now, after one in the afternoon, my eyes feel heavy and gritty, like someone snuck in while I wasn’t looking and poured some sand on them. All I want to do is go upstairs and curl up under my new weighted blanket, one I haven’t actually used yet. I did put a summer cover on it, so it shouldn’t be too hot to sleep under, and I hear it is like being swaddled by a loving grizzly bear. I am looking forward to christening this beautiful blanket, and there is no time like the present. I am going to set an alarm, so I don’t sleep more than 30 minutes, otherwise I will not be able to fall asleep later. Naps and I aren’t best friends because of this tendency to “over-nap” and again, ruin my already poor night’s sleep. So, here we go, off to nap, and hopefully awake refreshed. Hope springs eternal in this human’s breast.
Here’s to hope … and hopefully a good nap.