Dear Beyond Satire,

How the rest of the world still hasn’t discovered Jupiter Jones is beyond me. You gotta get your boi on The View!

First off, I love afternoons! Mornings are my bitches! I totally believe that mindless meditation will one day rule the world — because I am so good at it. I mean, I know I’m supposed to be humble about meditation, but the restraining order Dalai Lama has taken out on me prevents him from doing it himself, right?!?

And B) gentle sofa yoga is, like, my second favorite yoga … position. The first is the corpse pose. I can do that one for hours, and have been known to, occasionally, even snore & drool a little. But that has been reported by my enemies, envious skinny bitches who wish they can do the corpse pose as effortlessly & gracefully & for as long as I. Obviously they don’t start their afternoons with the right dose of vodka. You know, some people simply have no staying power, or as they call it, “alcoholism.”

Well, these tips are great fun, but naps don’t take themselves. Later.

Written by

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.

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