Dear Beyond Satire,

I feel I know you well enough to call you Beyond. You may call me Mrs. T. I kid.

This reminded me of the old slogan — fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I always felt it was unfair to go hunting for bunnies with guns — unless the bunnies are also armed! I only have one animal I would protest arming — please, don’t give cats guns. For the sake of everything you hold holy, not the domesticated pussy cat!! They are twisted, evil creatures who fool everyone with their purrs!

My grandfather, who grew up on farming shtetl on the border between Poland & Belarus, used to tell me a story. When he was a little boy, he & his brothers & sisters (he was one of 8) would put carrot slices on short stumps, liberally sprinkled with peppers. The rabbits would come for the carrots, starts to take them, sniff the pepper, sneeze & bash their own brains in on the stump.

Now, I don’t know if that story is true or just made up for my amusement — ’cause I really was amused. I thought it was clever & ridiculously funny, even as a child. Thinking of it now, thinking of Thumper from Bambi … nope, still funny! Ha ha ha! There may be something seriously wrong with me, but we’ll never know, because I will never let them capture me alive long enough to run tests on me.

Sneezing and bashing their little brains in… I’m sorry, I was laughing so hard, I was crying. Whew. What is it called, when you’re a high functioning sociopath? Politician? Regular American? I gotta go, hee hee hee…

Written by

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store