Dear Jon,

I really liked your article about little horses, crazy diapers & rain. I don’t know why you didn’t call it “noir,” but only because I was super drunk when I read it & am still not sober.

I can drink now because our children are 20 & 16, & can now change their own diapers, if they so choose. However, no one visits our house because we have two very unfriendly dogs. It’s great because I don’t like people. Make that three very unfriendly bitches — yup, the dogs are indeed female. The best part — the dogs don’t like my parents! My mother hasn’t set foot in my house in years! This house hasn’t been clean in years! Ha ha ha! Except for my kitchen, we’re not savages, you can eat off the kitchen table.

Wait, I had a point in there somewhere… oh, yeah, you will sleep one day. Your wife will sleep one day. She will, eventually, smile at you, & you will remember why you love the little horses so much! Yup, I love booze so much! Also, umbrellas. I love umbrellas. But it almost never rains here, in Colorado, & I hate it here. I mean, besides being beautiful, it’s fucking dry, all the time. I wish I had a little horse to ride out of here! I’d call it Charlie or FuckUgh (I am reading this book. It’s a long story) & I’d feed it bronze medals.

Good night, New York!

Written by

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.

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