Dear Shannon,

You are consistently excellent!

Pretentious? Moi? (There you go — a joke in a punchline.)

When I tell people I’m a writer, sometimes they’ll tell me they want to write — when they’ll retire. I ask them what they’re doing now, & whatever it is, I say, “Oh, I want to (fill in the blank: be a nurse, a pilot, a CEO, a police officer, an accountant,) when I retire!” And look at them all bright & bushy tailed, like I want to be complimented on my good choice of retirement activity. There! Thanks for not treating writing like an actual job it is! Then I walk away. Fuck you very much. Think it’s easy? Go write a true sentence, drop & give me 50, (I’m a little bit of a sadist) then we can actually talk, you stupid troll!

If I had a dollar for every conversation I had like that, I could buy myself a number bed by now!

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.