My problem, … well …. one of my problems, has been the fact that I don’t believe that the universe is always for us. I believe that the universe is random and chaotic, and that it doesn’t give any fig, a flip, or a rat’s ass for the likes of us. Nor do I think it is bribable by prayer and wishes. The laws of physics are immutable, and this third rock from the sun is just that, a planet hurtling through space, with time (a concept we invented so the trains wouldn’t run into each other), around a star that is going to burn out eventually (though definitely not in our lifetime).
That’s why manifesting my own destiny seems to be more about working toward my goals rather than meditating on my goals. Don’t get me wrong — meditation or prayer, is wonderful. It reduces blood pressure, creates peace within, helps people live a longer, healthier and more focused life. But I can’t bring myself to believe that my meditation does anything else outside of myself — my internal wellbeing.
Again, I would love to believe — to have real faith and belief in a something like a deity. I would love to believe in a higher power. I would love to believe that the universe is out there to help us, although it implies that it is also out there to screw us.
We, the all the humans of this shared planet, are kind of like New Zealand. The Kiwis figured out fairly early on that they are far away from everyone — truly an island (or islands) unto themselves! So, they knew they had only themselves to take care of themselves, and they acted (and still act) accordingly. They recycle. They import deer to hunt and herd. They reversed their own deforestation. They now protect against invasive species. The rest of us have to figure out that the universe isn’t going to step in and rescue us, and that we have to do that ourselves. We, too, have to fix our own problems.
I’m pretty sure that the Budweiser beer people figured that out. That’s why they proclaim that Budweiser is “The King of Beers.” You get that it’s a title anyone can give to anything, it’s really difficult to dispute or even care too much about. I can call myself the Queen of Freedonia, but there are very probable consequences of me being put in a “special” hospital, if I go around doing that. But my point is, calling yourself anything — proclaiming and acting and fulfilling that proclamation is entirely up to you.
Perhaps it is a flaw of my imagination, this inability to visualize a truly caring or benevolent force in the universe. It is just so random. I do get that if I’m in a good mood, everyone seems to be in a better mood, and when I’m hangry, everyone insists of testing my nerves. I know that people who like me seem to share similar values as me, although everything else can be completely different people in other aspects. But I also believe that I have been ridiculously lucky during some pivotal times in my life. The problem with luck, as the Scandinavian proverb states, is that doesn’t give, it only lends. Therefore, there were also many times in my life where I had terrible, crappy luck. That’s simply par for the course. Sometimes I’d rather be lucky than smart, though having both luck and smarts is ideal.
So, I am not going to manifest my future, I’m going to execute a plan. It wouldn’t hurt me to create a one, five and ten years plans that I can then revise as necessary. It also wouldn’t hurt me to write down what I want to accomplish the next day, when I journal before bed. And I should meditate more if it helps me with a real plan, although writing in my journal also eases my mind, and is more of “my jam.”
I think this level of thoughtfulness is due to the coming new year — it makes me nostalgic, makes me think about my life. Honestly, this is something I should do more often throughout the year, but I don’t consider myself either very nostalgic, nor a very romantic person. While there is nothing wrong with being either or both, I don’t seem to have it in me. And again, I digress.
My beliefs, or lack of them, are not a source of comfort to me. I tend to be ultra-rational — except when I am in an argument. Then, I’m just a blathering idiot, but I am very loud and consistent in my opinion.
But never mind all that. Happy New Year! Let’s not only hope it’s going to be a less shitty year. Let’s make a plan for a less shitty year!