I’m awake, I’m awake.

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Photo by Cris Saur on Unsplash

OK, here’s the thing — it’s not quite 2 o’clock in the afternoon, and I can barely keep my eyes open. I had to get up at 7 am because I had a doctor’s appointment at 8:10, then I went to my knitting group. However, since I had trouble falling asleep until 2 am, someone waited until I was asleep, snuck in and poured sand into my eyes. Now, my eyes are scratchy and heavy, I can’t stop yawning, and all I want to do is go back to bed.

I understand that my privilege is showing. Some people have to get up earlier, and others choose to do so. Lately, I’ve been getting up between 9 and 10 in the morning to take a walk and generally start my day. This feels spoiled even to me, even as I am doing it. However, never being a morning person, I take full advantage of not having a regular full-time job (outside of my regular blog).

Not working outside the house, there is a reason I make up the bed as soon as I can get out of it — it’s because otherwise I’ll crawl right back in, especially on a cold morning.

And today, after a much too long streak of hot and dry weather, it is indeed a cold morning. Not just cold — because the temperature went down rapidly, but it’s also misting and foggy — a lovely bit of drizzle. Foggy, right here, in what has become one of the driest places in the world, is a pleasure. I need to go outside and breathe in and breathe out and see my own breath because of wonderful, welcome humidity! How different is this from four days ago? Four days ago our humidity was less than 15 percent. Right now, it’s around 90 percent.

But also, because of the grayness and the drizzly cold, the desire to take a nap for at least an hour, preferably under a heavy blanket, sounds like heaven to me. Except that I know that if I go back to bed and then wake up later, I will feel achy and fuzzy-headed. Is it worth it? My heart says yes, my mind says no. It’s a fine but important distinction.

I have made up my mind, and it wins out over the heart. I have decided to stay up, go about my day, then wait as long as possible, and maybe go to bed between 9 and 10 pm tonight. I’m not sure I can last this long, so it’s a good idea to keep physically busy, to do laundry, to wipe clean the mirrors in the bathroom, to empty the dishwasher and start filling it up again with the few dishes in the sink. I can do this! But being lazy, I don’t want to. However, I have no choice. Sitting here now, and typing the words, I’m afraid I might fall asleep in mid-blink. Oh, how I wish caffeine worked for me, but I am immune to the coffee my husband has brewed!

It’s time to get busy or I may begin snoring. As I write this blog, my big black dog, Bella, is loudly snoring on the couch nearby. She looks so comfortable, without a care in the world. Why do you taunt me so, Bella?

This staying awake is not easy for me, but I overcome the siren song of the bed, the snoring tease of the hound, and the chilly weather that tells me to snuggle into a warm, welcoming blanket.

I did the laundry. I did the dishes. I made myself lunch. And I wrote this blog!

I don’t want to throw around words like “hero” and “brave” to describe myself, but you may feel free to do so.

Thanks for reading, and I will see you in my dreams.

Written by

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.

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