This morning I woke up nearly crackling with energy. This is an incredibly strange feeling for me. I usually wake up fuzzy-headed, slow to move and slower to think. This level of energy is as foreign to me as the surface of the moon.
My morning lethargy is not inherited. My grandfather was a very energetic-hardworking man. My grandfather, my mother’s daddy, used to say that he’d like to kill the person who invented weekends. In the Soviet Union, that meant Sundays only, since everyone worked and went to school on Saturdays.
As a person who loves to get her feet up, to lie down or just sit, I always had trouble with his unreasonable desire to work. My husband, who doesn’t have a lazy bone in his entire body (while mine is made up primarily of lazy bones), has a deeply ingrained “Protestant Work Ethic.” As an adult, he might have converted to Judaism, but some things are ingrained in him for life.
But today . . . today I understand both my grandfather and my husband — I could not wait to write this blog! If this keeps on keeping on, I will even write another blog.
There is a price to pay for this mania. While I want to write, draw, do the dishes, my mind feels as if I am humming along at incredible speeds. I want to do everything, at once. Having never tried cocaine and Adderall, I think I understand the appeal now — this kind of high is addictive.
And then there is the fear: what if this is the manic part of my depression, to be followed by a crash? While I am on medication for depression, which works remarkably well, what if it stopped working? There is really one way to test this theory — wait until tomorrow and the day after. Yet the fear is there, coiled like a serpent in the pit of my stomach.
Other than writing, I also want to make something with my hands, something tangible and large, like a gazebo or a tree house. But I neither know how nor have any materials. And it’s snowing outside.
I wish I can bottle this feeling, and then, drink it every morning. It’s empowering, yet I don’t think I did anything to deserve it. I’m just going to ride this out and enjoy the ride.
Sorry to cut this short, but now would be a good time for me to shovel the driveway from the snow that already fell last night. Gimme that snow shovel, and get out of the way!