Nothing to do with anything at all.

Elena Tucker
6 min readAug 25, 2022
Photo by Keith Luke on Unsplash

I went to the horse races once.

I should probably preface this by saying that this article has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. It really has nothing to do with anything. I mean it. If you, as a reader, want coherence, read elsewhere. I have not been writing lately, something no one pointed out to me, not even my nearest and dearest — which is just fine, because I have not been accountable to anyone but myself. To be kind to myself, I have been fairly good about averaging two blogs per week for several years now, and perhaps I needed a bit of a rest.

But when I say I haven’t been writing, I mean I haven’t even been journaling, nor have I even been writing in my own head, something I tend to do when not actually physically writing in a journal or on a computer. Where there is usually some sort of noise, narration, sentence fragments swirling in my brain, there was only a sort of humming, with an occasional idea raising a head like Punxsutawney Phil, not seeing its shadow, and burrowing deeper underground to slumber some more.

Perhaps I was more depressed due to losing my brother-in-law, due to the ridiculously hot weather, or depressed for no reason at all. Maybe I needed a break from the ceaseless squeaky hamster cage that is typically my mind’s default setting. Whatever the reason or reasons, my creativity well had run dry and I had no desire to replenish it. I gently draped myself over it and whispered obscenities into the cool darkness of it and got upset whenever anyone suggested to me to get up and do something productive, such as go take a shower.

“Go away,” I’d say to a worried do-gooder. “I’m fine. It’s actually healthy not to wash my hair every day. I needed to catch up on my sleep, because I didn’t get to bed until 2 o’clock in the morning. So, how can you expect me to get up before noon? If you want to help, go get me a Big Mac and a large Vanilla Diet Coke. I need protein and hydration.”

Neither my son Sam nor I are morning people, by nature nor nurture. The good news is that we both are committed to helping each other get out of bed early (early being any time before 11AM), when needed. This is an extra layer of support. A layer of support useful to make it to the airport, to a doctor’s appointment, or to work or school on time.

Elena Tucker

Writer and storyteller, immigrant, wife, mom, knitter, collector of jokes, lover of cheap, sweet wine.