Oh my gods, you can write! I read your story twice, I’m jealous & I’m a fan.
No one can do anything for you, you know this. I mean, you’re not asking my opinion, I’m just inserting it, you’re welcome. Have you asked yourself if you WANT to live? That’s not what I mean. What I mean is, do you WANT to live SOBER?
Again, I’m not telling you one way or another anything. I give a damn ‘cause you’re a human being. I give a damn ‘cause what I just read was written so well, I kept holding my breath while reading it. But your life is your life, & it only works if you want to live.
I really, REALLY hope you choose life. (I hate the word “really,” just so you know, that’s how strongly I feel.) I know a little about addiction (mine is food) & a lot about both self-hatred & self-destruction.