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Trendy ice cream in Auckland, New Zealand — no salt in sight!

Dear Reader,

I usually don’t write my blogs directly to you, but this is an unusual blog. This is a plea, a request, a begging. I may be screaming into the void, but I feel strongly that scream I must (like Yoda, sound I must while screaming).

Please, please, in the name of everything you hold holy, stop salting all my desserts!

Please stop salting caramels. Please stop salting ice cream. Please stop salting chocolates.

I am one of the people for whom salty and sweet must never intersect. Savory is salty. And desserts are sweet, period. We do not keep salty butter at the house. We keep, pure unadulterated (and unsalted) sweet cream butter. If you want salt, I point out the all different kinds we keep — there is the traditional table salt, the low sodium salt, the kosher salt, the schmancy Himalayan — really just add whatever tickles your fancy.

My peanut butter, almond butter, cashew butter, really any nut butter, it is never salted. After all, it goes with sweet jelly, jams or apples, doesn’t it?

Whenever the recipes for cookies or cakes call for the teaspoon of salt, I do cave and add just a dash. I understand the importance of adding salt, it brings out the flavors of, well, flavors. But the whole idea is to not taste salt, but exactly that — to taste the FLAVOR.

Trust me, I love salt. I love salted pretzels with mustard and bacon cheeseburgers, salt-cured lox with cream cheese on bagels, French fries and potato chips, and salty pickles. But when it comes to my sweets, I want my sugar unpolluted by saltiness. And enough is enough.

We’ve had this “salt-on-everything-sweet” craze for long enough (too long for the likes of me). The people who started this “fad” are the same sick and twisted minds who put American cheese on apple pie and apple sauce on latkas! And if you like it, by all means, you can always carry a little salt shaker with you, and add it to your candy. However, I cannot take it away from my already baked cookies! I cannot wash it away from my ice cream!

So, I am on my knees, begging you, stop! Stop salting my desserts!

And thank you for your time.

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