The Best Self-Help Article. Ever.

So you’re overweight, out of shape, lazy and have given up on all your dreams and aspirations. Bad news. I can’t help you. Worse news — no one else can help you, either. “Wait. Hold on a minute,” you’re saying. But you just said… you PROMISED that this was going to be the best self-help article. Ever.

Look at your title!

Yeah, well, I might have exaggerated a tad, but I do promise that this is going to help.

“OK, you’re going to hit us with some good news now, right?”