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In 1990, a movie called “Crazy People” was released. It starred Dudley Moore and Daryl Hannah. Not to give anything away from this, an almost 30-year-old movie, but the basic premise is that the patients from an insane asylum wrote advertising copy, being blunt, honest, and raunchy. The ads they wrote were smash hits and sold loads of whatever it was the ads were selling. For example, the advertising for Volvo stated, “Volvo — they’re boxy but they’re good.” And let’s not forget, “Jaguar — for men who’d like hand jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.” Plus, one for the Greek travel agency that goes, “Forget Paris. The French can be annoying. Come to Greece. We’re nicer.” Well, you get the idea.

This movie inspired me to write a blog about professions that I have very little respect for — you know, politicians, actors and socialites (being socialite is actually more of a calling than a job). But a funny thing happed on the way to my forum. My husband and son said I sounded bitter and jealous. I am many things, but I’m not bitter. Instead, I challenged them to throw me some products that I could write advertising copy for and be brutally honest. Here’s my final creation.

“Kraft Macaroni ‘n Cheese. The best freakin’ food when you’re high. Add Fiery Cheetoes, dude.”

“Hard boiled eggs — they smell like farts, but they have a lot of protein.”

“Magic Erasers. Super expensive, but it’s the only way to get those blood stains off the walls.”

“IPhone — really, really expensive, but what other choice do you have? Samsung? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Amazon. It’s not just for agoraphobes any more.”

“Whiskey — if it didn’t make you drunk, you’d never touch the stuff. Honestly, do we REALLY need to advertise?”

“Winter Olympics. Not nearly as fun as Summer Olympics, but still fun.”

“Chocolate — women’s cocaine. Am I right?”

“Car insurance. Required by law in every state.”

“Kleenex — because your kids’ sleeves aren’t cutting it.”

“Netflix. Who needs a life when you can binge watch it.”

“Bananas — unripe today, mushy tomorrow.”

“Books. Might as well wait for the movie.”

This is my list — but please, come up with some of your own. I’d love to read ‘em.

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